Cake
by Bodacious Overlord Zextillion
Summary: Looking back, I thought about her cooking and how she cooks things. It grosses me out, but I don't care. It's good. (Strongly implied ElswordxEve)


You know, some people find me weird. My interests, my hair, my taste in food, how I can use a two-handed greatsword with only one hand. Truth be told, I don't mind one bit. I know there are plenty of other weird people in this world. Aisha for one. She's short, she'd old, and she's got the damn pessimistic (or was it narcissistic? I can't be bothered to remember the difference) attitude that screams, "LOOK AT ME!"

However, I could understand why people call me weird in my taste of food. I've always liked my food spartan. As long as it wasn't rotten, I didn't care about taste, or texture, or overall quality of the food. Because of this, I can pretty much eat whatever I want without belching out in disgust (as long as it wasn't vegetarian or smelled really bad). My friend Eve doesn't even cook. I don't think she knows how to either. But she's damn resourceful when it comes to food. Instead of cooking, she puts all this _crap_ into a machine and turns it into something that's actually quite delicious.

That being said, I wouldn't want to eat it since I know what stuff Eve puts into that machine. When I said she put crap into it, I really did mean crap. That thing is supposed to solve 'human waste problems' as she calls it. I learned some basic math from Eve, and when you put x into a function, out comes y. x is crap and y is delicious food. The function is probably something like x-4328937498*324qj322 or something, because I'm pretty sure putting in crap into a machine is not how food is made.

It's rather unfortunate (for me) that when my birthday came up nobody could cook for me. Aisha just steals her food, Rena is a vegetarian (I think), Raven only knows how to cook jerky (which isn't that bad, but eating just jerky for dinner? You've got to be kidding me), and I'm sure as heck not working for myself on my birthday. When Aisha realized that the only person left that can cook for us was Eve, she insisted that we go out for dinner.

I said to her, "What? That takes effort, and money too. Do you know how much money we get going around beating up monsters?"

"I know that, doofus! But it should be-," and she forced the best smile she could, "_fun!_"

Being the idiot that Aisha is, I completely forgot about Eve that day. Up until dinner.

When Oberon came and gave us all our plates, I was starving. I didn't eat lunch because I was too busy sparring with Raven. He considered it his birthday present, and when I thought about it, Raven didn't seem the type to give material gifts to people on their birthdays, so I didn't question it.

* * *

I was waiting, and so was Raven. When it came to a real fight, that first move is some of the ones that decided everything. Out of nowhere, Raven bolted right towards me and tried to grab me with his Nasod arm. I quickly jumped over his head so it didn't do that much good for him. Seeing his backside open, I made a quick slash for it. Raven reacted quickly and moved right out of the way.

Saying nothing, we went into that waiting phase again. I was thinking of having the first strike on him, but he had other plans. Raven dashed towards me and slashed relentlessly with his sword. Right, left, right, up, right, left, left. I was trying to block all of it with my sword in attempts of breaking him long enough to counter-attack him, but he wasn't giving up. After about ten seconds of this, I was starting to get tired, but Raven kept on slashing, and slashing, and slashing. I'm not sure what happened next, but I guess I moved too slowly and felt a sharp jab on my left side and was pushed onto the ground onto my right.

Raven's sword was right at my throat (don't worry, it was a wooden sword) and he spoke sharply, "Don't let yourself become tired. If you were surrounded, you would be receiving attacks from all over. We'll work on your endurance." Raven lifted his sword up and allowed me to stand up. I noticed that Raven had a slightly shiny forehead, and I smirked. Work on my endurance? No problem, I'll just see how far YOU can go!

* * *

I looked on my plate. Some white steamed rice, red smoked salmon, really brown steak with some barbecue sauce, and a little veggies. Nothing fancy, just the way I liked it. Not questioning who cooked it (although it should be obvious), I chowed in. Aisha, Rena, and Raven were making odd faces at me, and when I looked up, I was confused at the way their faces were all scrunched up. Eve left sometime after I started eating.

I asked them, "What's wrong? This stuff's delicious!"

Aisha asked me, "Um, do you know who cooked that?"

I said, "Who cares? This food is just made for me!"

Rena glanced up and around then asked us, "Hey guys, where did Eve go?"

I looked up and with my mouth full, I shrugged. Then I realized it. With my mouth still full, I simply said, "Oh," and dropped my fork. I took my time chewing the steak that was in my mouth, then slowly swallowed it. "I'm gonna use the bathroom."

I got up and walked climbed upstairs to our toilet. Along the way in a hall, I heard crying coming from Eve's room. I walked over there and nodded at Oberon, the eternal doorkeeper of the great Miss Eve's room. Yeah, he let me in.

Eve, not noticing I was there, continued to cry lying down on her bed. She groaned into her drones, "Why can not I do anything right? I can not fight, I can not cook, I can not keep my _damn_ kingdom alive! I am the worst nasod ever!"

I coughed a little and Eve looked up at me. It was quite an awkward silence, with the only sounds coming from Eve's sniffles. Eventually, I scratched my head and said, "Uh, am I interrupting something?"

Eve sat up and tried to give herself a poker face. She grabbed a plate and sliced herself some cake. She said, "Oh no. Please, do come on in." Still looking sad, she stuffed her mouth with some cake.

I said, "Hey, you're missing out on all the-," I paused to think. What was she missing out on? I continued, "-games. Yeah. By the way, I still haven't blown my cake yet, want to join?" I looked at the cake Eve was eating and I had a sneaking suspicion that that was supposed to be my birthday cake.

Eve shook her head. I asked her, "Why not?"

She replied, "Because all of your friends hate me."

I raised my eyebrow and said, "What? We don't hate you."

"I am simply a burden on you. I can not fight or cook, and you guys defend me and feed me food without ever complaining."

"There's a perfectly good reason we don't complain."

"Why is that?"

I scratched my chin. "Because we kind of like your company (?)."

Eve shook her head. "Aisha tries to avoid me at all costs, and it is clear Raven does not like me. I feel like a measly student when Rena tries to talk to me in that motherly voice of hers."

"Oh come on! Aisha doesn't try to avoid you that much!"

"When is the only time you see us talking?"

"Good point."

"Besides, it also clear that nobody her likes my cooking. I tried everything, to find one thing that I am good at, but I can not seem to find it!" she cried. "I tried cooking, one of society's views on things that women are supposed to be good at, and I can not cook!"

I gave an awkward smile. "But I like your company." I mumbled to myself, "I guess." Looking back at her, I continued, "I find your cooking to be quite good too! At least when I don't know what's in it, of course."

Eve looked away. "You are just saying that to make me feel better."

I shook my head. "Not even gonna try to deny that I'm trying to make you happy when you can't feel emotions."

Eve gave up. "I have emotions, fine. But you're lying to get me to feel better."

I said, "What! I'm not lying about anything. I genuinely enjoyed your food. Hell, my plate is half-empty because I got-," and I gave my biggest fake smile I could muster, "-full from enjoying it so much."

Eve looked back. "Really?"

I nodded. "Of course! I enjoy your company too. You were always somebody I could vent out all my stored emotions with."

Eve nodded. "Yeah. I guess I was..."

I put my arm around her and said to her, "Come on Eve, don't be like that! You have to enjoy the things you are good at and not dwell on what others think of you!"

Eve asked me, "But what am I good at?"

"Building robots!" I pointed at Moby and Remy and mentioned Oberon. "You have to admit, that's impressive."

"But I can not rebuild the Nasod race like that..."

"I can't even build a clay pot, Eve. You've got to think small first. Take small steps, towards your goal, and before you know it, BAM, you're there!"

Something churned inside Eve's mind. She mumbled to herself, "Think small..."

I noticed Eve was leaning into my side and I blushed. I coughed slightly again and said, "Well, I still didn't get to blow out my cake yet."

Eve looked down at her half-finished caked and handed it to me. She got up and picked up the cake with one slice missing. She started towards the door, but then paused. She turned to me and asked me, "What if they do not want to eat my cake?"

I smirked. "Don't worry, I'll eat it all!"

Eve smiled, probably her first real genuine smile she allowed to be seen by anyone other than her servants. Making Eve smile would be an accomplishment for anybody. I decided that moment, that even if what crap she uses to make food, that stuff that comes out is really good food, and I wouldn't give a damn if what she put in there was some human organ, and I wouldn't care if anybody viewed me as weird because of it, because really, since when did your food preference decide who you were in life?

She asked me, "Hey Elsword, may I ask why you humans blow out candles on cakes when it is their birthday?"

I got up and smiled a genuine smile myself. "I have no idea."

* * *

**A/N: Why is it so hard to write humor into a story like this? I need more practice.**


End file.
